Picture it, if you will:
Somewhere, deep in space, in a galaxy not too far from your own, there’s a little green planet known as Dominas, inhabited by a very particular race, the Dominians. Then picture further about how this race has come to the belief that there is only one way for any civilization to live: Their way!
And now, imagine even further, that once they discovered other planet’s inhabitants dared to disagree with this, that they set out for complete and utter domination over the universe! Conquering worlds left and right, no matter how big, how small, or how expensive! The empire only grew larger and larger over time, as with every planet conquered, new resources would allow for greater opportunities!
Yes, my friend: WE are the Dominians!
We are powerful!
We are tremendous!
We… are UNSTOPPABLE!
Yes, we are… Except for me…
You’ve probably figured out that this is the story of one Dominian in particular: Me. My name is Mlxurphlt, though you probably know me better as the Mastermind. And despite what my reputation would have you believe now, I wasn’t always the incredible force of evil you know me as today.
...You do know me as that, right?
Well anyway, you know how you humans have to get licenses for things like driving, or hunting, or… drinking those bitter, mind-altering beverages? Well, we have a similar process, except for conquering planets. Not everyone is going to be viable for such a task, and as such, all who wish to be tyrants had to be evaluated first by our own supreme leader, Pvuklm, better known as the Prime Mind. And me? I wanted nothing more than to have a planet to call my own since I first learned to speak. It’s something all Dominians are primed for, but none were as enthusiastic about it as I was! Only problem was my enthusiasm… never really carried over to my evaluation.
The first time, I got cold feet in the presence of the Prime Mind and was woefully unorganized, which resulted in me being instantly dismissed. The second, I thought to impress with my inventive mind, which only blew up in my face… literally. The third time my mother tagged along. She thought she was helping me. She was not. Failure after failure after failure, it seemed like no matter what I did to impress, it was never good enough for the Prime Mind, and he never gave me my license as a conqueror. But one day, I was SURE that I would finally get my big break, when I finally designed myself the most advanced piece of armor my kind had ever seen!
It was decked out with missiles, impenetrable steel, all-terrain footing, jet propulsors, and a stereo with all the greatest hits of Starbeam and the Satellites… Except for their overly whiny “Moms Don’t Budge” song, never cared for that one. I was a hundred and one percent confident that my creation would be the breaking point! The Prime Mind would simply HAVE to approve my right to domination! NOTHING COULD STOP ME NOW!
...Except that everything that could’ve possibly gone wrong... did.
The missiles got jammed, and when it fired it destroyed the judges. The steel I used wasn’t as “impenetrable” as I thought, as it got chipped away by lasers. The all-terrain footing just made movement cumbersome. The jet propulsors didn’t work properly and just smashed me into the ceiling. And probably most humiliating of all, it turned out “Moms Don’t Budge” was Prime Mind’s favorite Starbeam and the Satellites song.
“Okay… Well, clearly, I got a little overzealous…” I admitted as I was about to simply exit the room. “But, I assure you, my next assessment will definitely convince you that I-!”
Before I could even take a step, I was suddenly scooped into the air by one of the Prime Mind’s mechanical tentacles, bound and forced to look at him dead in his eyes.
“THERE WILL NOT BE A NEXT ASSESSMENT FOR YOU, MLXURPHLT.” his voice boomed in frustration. “YOU HAVE ALREADY HAD ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY ASSESSMENTS, MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE HAS BEEN PERMITTED, AND THEY WERE ALL FAILURES DESPITE THAT! YOUR DESTINY IS NOT WORLD DOMINATION, IT IS FAILURE! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS WORLD AND IT’S CAUSE!”
So many emotions fled throughout my body, being berated so harshly from the Prime Mind himself. But out of all the emotions I felt, one bubbled up stronger than the rest: A frustration of my own. Anger. I’d dare even say… hatred.
“OH YEAH?!” I bellowed back. “WELL WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CONQUERED A WORLD, HUH?!”
And then next thing I knew, I was thrown into prison.
...Don’t know what I was really expecting to happen.
But even in this dire part of my life, those feelings I had from that last assessment never subsided. If anything, I was more determined than ever to claim dominion over a planet out of pure spite, licensed or not! And so, I did my research in the prison’s library. I discovered there was one planet that the Prime Mind had blacklisted from conquest in the Milky Way Galaxy. You may know it as “Earth”. It was considered an unsavory trophy, and far more difficult to conquer than any other planet; Simply not worth it for the effort needed.
And that’s what made it perfect for me. If I could conquer this unruly world when no one else would dare, then I would cement myself in history as the greatest Dominian to ever live! So, once I got out of prison, I gathered as many credits as I could and put it all into a cosmic cruise to the Milky Way. As soon as we reached it, I hijacked the ship, and let’s just say everyone else’s vacation ended on a sour note.
At first, Earth didn’t seem as bad as it was made out to be. Most of the inhabitants seemed woefully ignorant, even careless to their own preservation. They were so easy to push around, too. Wasn’t seeing what would be so difficult about taking over!
And then I discovered it… Something no other world conquered by my peers had…
“IT’S YOUURRRRR LUCKY DAAAAY!”
Superheroes…
Not even half a day on Earth and I was painfully introduced to, like, a dozen of those costumed cretins. Suffice to say, my mission was not off to a good start. And the following weeks weren’t any better. Seems like every city I fled to had at least one! That is, until, I finally came across a little city known as Rottenheim. I’m not sure if it was the original name or if it’s reputation gained it, but regardless, there were no superheroes… only supervillains. Humans that had powers, but were only using them for the pettiest of crimes. In this city, they developed a social hierarchy of evil, where the villain who’s deemed “the worst” gets free reign as ruler.
And for the first time since I arrived on this planet, I actually felt powerful! I easily climbed my way to the top in a matter of days! Finally, I was rising up to where I always wanted to be! I was on top of the world! ...At least, until the rush wore off and I realized all I was ruling over was some slummy old city with barely any opposition. I realized I may have lost sight of my original goal. But now that I’ve already got a position of power, it should all be uphill from here, right?!
Ha ha ha ha -
WRONG.
Because one thing I realized is that when you’re at the top, there’s always someone trying to take it from you! Seems whenever I came close to finalizing a master plan, there was always some two-bit crook with superpowers barging in and ruining it! With each encounter, it was becoming clearer to me that this wasn’t something that I could do alone. So, I decided to brush up on how things are usually done on this planet. Turns out most people in high positions of power have up to thousands of underlings and bodyguards to ensure what they want gets carried out successfully! And with Rottenheim’s economy… I couldn’t afford thousands. Just three.
But with those three, I decided to create my own elite! Three aspiring crooks with these inherited powers (with no intention of overthrowing me to my knowledge) that would ward off any who oppose me! That would be the ticket I need to complete my mission, prove myself as a conqueror, and finally gain the fear and respect that any Dominian deserves!
...Or at least, that was the idea before I found out they were the most INCOMPETENT, LACKLUSTER EXCUSES OF SUPERVILLAINS I’VE EVER SEEN-!
Okay, okay… This isn’t their origin story… I’ll leave them to tell their own. Needless to say, still have quite a bit of work cut out for me…
END.
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